I’m Still Human….

How do you navigate through life?

When I was planning my life out as a child I didn’t expect to be where I am now. Now I’m sitting here wondering if life’s really worth living: almost 24, living at home, no man, no job. Is it really worth it? I spend my days doing observations at schools that probably won’t hire me. I’m in graduate school partially because I want to become a music educator and partially because I have nothing better to do.

When I graduated in 2009, with no job offers, I applied to grad school because I didn’t want to just sit around. It was a way for me to feel worth something while I got myself together. 3 years later, nothing has come out of it.

My parents are disappointed in me. They don’t have to tell me for me to know it’s true. You think you do everything right and you still end up wrong.

My fear is to graduate next year and still have no job, no man, and no place to call my own. I feel like I’m in this never ending black hole and the only way to get out of it is…well…you know…

I seem fine on the outside but I’m dying on the inside. What is wrong with me?

I’m slowly falling back into my dark place. Where is this good God? My faith is dying out.

Tell me what’s it all for?


4 thoughts on “I’m Still Human….

  1. “You think you do everything right and you still end up wrong.”

    It’s funny how that works isn’t it? I’ve DEFINITELY been there and got like 3 of that t-shirt lol. I don’t know exactly why that happens. Part of it is just life. Life is a risk. We plan and we prepare but we can NEVER plan for everything. Things happen that we didn’t account for. Sometimes we are able to adjust and keep it rolling, and sometimes things just don’t work out and we have to go back to the drawing board. The best laid plans of mice and men (yadda yadda yadda…). Part of it (and the more important part I think) is that we all have to go through seasons where God matures us and teaches us to trust Him and HIS plan. That does not feel one bitta good!!!! It’s necessary though, and it seems like that is where you are right now.

    In one of my stints through faith bootcamp, God taught me that there are 3 choices of action. 1) We can choose to wallow where we are. 2) We can beg God to take us out of the test. Problem with that is if he does we’ll just end up having to take it all over again later. or 3)We can acknowledge that at the end of all of our planning HE is the one who is in control of everything and follow after Him.

    What’s it all for? It’s so that you can grow. God has invested ALOT of good stuff in you, and he’s gonna bring it out of you. Regroup, update the vision for where you are right now, trust that God’s plan is to bring you an expected end, and move on down the road. I guarantee you that a year from now you will look back and be AMAZED at how much you’ve grown. I know I was.

    1. Wow. I definitely needed that encouragement. But it’s like I’m trying to leave everything up to Him but I feel like He’s not moving!!! But at the same time I lack patience so that’s most likely what he’s teaching me lol. It’s just hard when you want everything to work out so badly and it just doesn’t. But I guess I just gotta keep pressing 🙂 Thanks for sharing that!

  2. I see a lot of myself in this. When I graduated from undergrad, I didn’t have a full time job. I was actually rejected from TC the first time I applied. I spent two years doing something unrelated to my major because I actually became disenchanted with that major one semester before graduation.

    I’m now on the verge of graduating TC and after only God knows how many jobs I’ve applied for and heard nary a word, I myself wonder what I will be doing. How can one get a Masters’ degree and then move back home?

    I know that God has a plan for me and also for you, but it is still in the works. He’s not through with either of us yet. He’s brought us as far as we have and now we are doing the things we love doing. It’s something that I have to remember myself, but I think we are in a similar place.

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